Fifteen things Ive learnt and my reflections on the decade ......
As we approach the end of this year it’s also the end of decade. Everywhere people are reflecting, but also feel under pressure to do something magnificent for the next decade.
Here’s the thing, that’s great but depending on the place you are at, it may well be that taking small steps in a positive direction will be better for you than trying grand gestures.
How about creating something to build from rather than trying to do bold things you aren’t really in alignment with or that you can’t maintain? Momentum and sustainability are everything - they are cor foundations to build a strong core and if you get them right you really can reach for the stars. I for one will always believe in magic and possibility, but I also know that often we are the ones in the way of the magic, with our fear - and that’s the key thing to shift from.
The key is to check in and be honest with how you're really feeling, and then ask yourself what you really want.
What feels good, really good? Think about the feelings and emotions you want to feel and ask yourself why you really want that. When you are clear on your why, this will shift you further and realign you. The truth is sometimes you may be in a muddle and feel unclear, which is more than ok! Don’t beat yourself up and end up over looking small positive steps you can take; what you need to do is to get present and start cultivating gratitude, get yourself in a better feeling place and this will really realign you.
Stop comparing yourself to others and run your own race, this is fundamental and a game changer, and remember this. Everyone has their stuff, even if on the outside it doesn’t look like it.
I often think when we feel stuck it’s being open to a new book, or a person, or a change in life that can help unstick everything and we just have to get open to this. Don’t reject small things because they don’t look like a miracle. Miracles come in many forms, never forget this.
Here’s what I learnt this decade.
Getting a new diagnosis made me really re-evaluate everything, but also shifted me into a space where I knew I had a choice to make the best of it or go under. You are more than your body, a diagnosis and all of those things; it’s part of you but doesn’t have to define you.
The fuck ups and mistakes I made were deep redirections, and it’s human to fuck up: it doesn’t always mean it’s right and I’m certainly not proud of somethings, but what I learnt the most was beating yourself up and taking it out on yourself do nothing more than hurt you. True healing begins when you forgive yourself which is actually the hardest thing, but it’s the game changer and it takes courage and work. It allows you to see more clearly and recognise that this is part of the human experience. Make self-forgiveness something you reach for regularly and watch your life shift: it makes how you able to forgive others too.
I thought getting a powered wheelchair would change my life and give me a newfound independence. It did. I will never take it for granted. Having to use one was the hardest thing I ever had to face but the possibility it brought was amazing and I’ve seen and done so much more than I would’ve have imagined because of it.
Start before you feel ready: with my blog, writing and podcast, I didn’t feel ready at all but realised there’s no right way to do it and that it doesn’t have to be perfect and nor do you have to be the best writer. To run your own race with it is key. Remember everyone is doing the best they can, it often just looks on the outside as though it’s easy, but absolutely everyone will face something with what they are doing.
Love never dies even when someone does. Losing someone I loved was the most painful thing I experienced, but knowing we had never stopped sharing the love with each other made me realise the vast importance of telling people what you feel.
Losing friendships is hard and as painful sometimes as a romantic relationship but making sure you have good people around you will change everything. This decade I truly learnt what unconditional love and support and friendship means, I feel truly lucky for that. Good friends are worth their weight in gold, and I cherish that.
No matter how many times you fall down you can get back up, and I truly understood that healing isn’t linear, it’s a journey and a process. During my journey becoming ok with the falls made me stop fighting them and I could get back up much more quickly than before.
That I was much stronger than I realised, strength won’t always look like you imagine it to and that it shows up in many different ways.
Dreams do come true; I had dreamed of going to India and I did, and it was as magical as I’d imagined. Going to see Beyoncé in concert and all the others I’ve seen since was something I never believed was possible as I didn’t think I’d cope with a concert, but realising you can find ways to make things work is where the miracles are.
So write the list of your dreams, don’t put loads of conditions around them, but hold the vision and you never know what can happen. It’s not your job to always figure out the “how”. There were many things that manifested in my life but also things I thought I’d wanted and it turned out I didn’t, and I had to learn to navigate that. There’s a blessing in that too, even if at the time it doesn’t quite feel like that.
You can meet people in very unexpected ways, and they can end up shaping your life in more ways than you would ever imagine. Learning to be open to this, and not close myself off was why this has happened.
Learning to own my wild side. I would often feel so much shame over this. I was the over the top inappropriate one and now realise people may not always resonate or understand me, but that’s ok and it’s not their job to. It’s my job to own myself and become ok with all the parts of me.
Having fun and laughter is the key to success, I mean fun that feels good and aligned, not fun to escape our feelings and get out of our head. For a long time I felt I shouldn’t have fun because I was the ill person and people may judge me. But trust me, fun heals and yes, some people may judge but that’s on them not on you.
Learning to love people for who they are, and honour their darkness and light. I am not going to lie it has been hard sometimes. But when I started to do that it’s profound seeing people for being human, not the conditions or labels we put on them and learning to accept them is truly life changing. We can create safe spaces with each other and truly see people. Our fears and fuck ups can be witnessed and shared. Often people don’t tell the truth because people think they will be judged or disliked, because it maybe has happened to them in the past, but when I did this it truly shifted my life and how people were for me too.
Being less afraid of my anger and understanding that it’s a safe emotion to feel sometimes. Being spiritually minded does not mean you won’t get angry, it’s more than ok to. Same with tears - our emotions are feedback; allow them, listen to them and don't suppress them: let them be your guide.
Rest and Meditation are the top tools to create space and shifts in yourself and have been key for me. (There’s a free meditation if you sign up to my email list: I promise not to spam you!)
Lastly what I know is this, we think we’ve got it all together and then boom something hits us. Life doesn’t run in a straight line - it’s not linear. We have to learn to become ok with this and navigate it and remember there’s an inner compass inside us, that is there to guide us if we choose to activate it and let it help us ride the waves of highs and lows - and sometimes face the storms.
Becoming ok with the darkness is the key because we have the power to light up dark spaces and illuminate them: we can find grace in all the spaces and even the ones in between.
Becoming ok with things not always going the way you want, but knowing you will be ok will allow you to find your way through.
But to also remember life can be amazing and we can influence this and intend and co-create with life.
Magic and miracles really do happen - it’s just that sometimes it’s not always how we imagine it - so we miss the magic.
So however you intend to go into this next decade and shape your life, I hope you find grace in whatever space you are in. I would love to hear about your last decade and your reflections.
All my love
Hannah X
PS BELIEVE IN MIRACLES